All my friends are getting younger than ever
Look at Binky and Dora and Fred
Tho' their morals are loose
Their flesh is taut,
In a matter of weeks
With the modern techniques
For improving physiques
They have altered their beaks
And they've tilted their cheeks
And now everyone speaks
In society's cliques
Of the changes that science has wrought
Of the changes that money has bought
For instance
Between brunch last Sunday and cocktails
An old family friend name of Kate
Had a surgical fete which we marvel at yet
For she showed up that evening for dinner at eight
Just that noon she'd been weathered old wreckage
Akin to the ruins of Greece
But by seven that night
All her stitches were tight
She resembled her grand nephew's niece
Where her dewlaps and wattles had flourished
In chaotic baroque disarray
Lay an exquisite kind of velvety rind
With henna triumphant where once there was grey
Since by nature our Kate was a hellion
We wondered how much she would dare
She'd been warned in advance
Not to speak, smile or dance
Or even to comb out her hair
Well
She ordered a triple martini
Which arrived with some ice and a straw
I felt it foolhardy
But this was Kate's party
As she sipped it we murmured in awe
"Good Lord, there goes part of her chin line!"
Then down drooped her left eye so blue
And that silken smooth neck
Which had taken decades to wreck
Fell apart in a minute or two
Well
They hauled her right off to Payne Whitney
In a jitney so chic you could scream
She felt it all sliding
So she went into hiding
While the doctors patched up ever seam
Now, of course, my discourse has a moral
"Seek beauty wherever it thrives"
For as you grow older
Then the eye of the beholder
Sees nothing but scalpels and knives
So just let all that flesh crash around you
Let gravity tug at your bones
And don't be like Kate
Who learned much too late
That stitches can't resurrect bitches and crones
However, I've heard of someone in Geneva
Who does the most fabulous things
The man is mind blowing
With his chopping and sewing
And suddenly my heart has wings
So it's off to the Alps in the morning
I'm going to look just like a kid
But I'll recuperate carefully
Not like Kate who said prayerfully
"I'll stay young if it kills me"
It did.
